


dream a little dream of me

by myheadisapumpkin



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, but also a bit fluffy, hawke is still in the fade, sad drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 15:32:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17963234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myheadisapumpkin/pseuds/myheadisapumpkin
Summary: “Hawke,” Fenris manages to choke out. He’s still in shock at the sight of him. There’s something - not right about him. There’s a few more grey hairs than Fenris remembers him having, the bags under his eyes almost bruise-like in shade. He looks worn out, broken. The only normal thing is the smile that’s still stuck into place.“Music to my ears,” Hawke says. “I’ve missed hearing you say my name like that.”+++Fenris finally gets to see Hawke. It just isn't the way he expected.





	dream a little dream of me

Fenris doesn’t dream often.  

Maybe it’s the lyrium that wraps his body, shielding him from dreams of the fade that might attempt to root through the snares in his mind. On the off chance he does dream, it inevitably ends up as a nightmare. There’s more than enough traumatic memories to kickstart them, so when Fenris finds himself deep in Sundermount caves, he prepares himself for what’s to come. 

He draws his sword, ready to fight any oncoming monster - giant spiders, Varterral, fog warriors, Danarius - 

But nothing comes. He wanders through the cavern cautiously, until he finally makes his way out. He’s not on Sundermount anymore; instead, he’s on the top turret of a castle, looking out over frosty mountains. He sees the courtyard below, noticing Varric there, talking to someone. He makes his way down the tower, confused - he’s never seen this place before - and makes his way into a tavern. The tavern changes to the Hanged Man, and he spots Isabela by the bar, laughing at a random chump who challenged her to a drinking contest. He makes his way out of the Hanged Man, through Kirkwall and up to Hightown. The city is as it once was, untainted by the wreckage and ruins that still remain there. He wanders to Hawke’s mansion, the door still in one piece. Gently, he raises a hand and knocks. 

When the door swings open, he doesn’t know what to think.

“I think that might be the first time you’ve ever knocked!” Hawke smirks, his amber eyes warm as he takes in Fenris.

“What… Is this?” Fenris replies. This had to be a nightmare. It was going to go downhill at any moment, he was sure of it. Hawke would be a demon, ensnare Fenris into a trap. 

“What do you mean?” Hawke blinks. “This is my house, dummy. You’ve been here plenty of times,” he winks, before pulling Fenris inside. He walks through the foyer, standing against a pillar. “This brings back memories,” Hawke chuckles. “Wanna reenact them?”

“Hawke,” Fenris manages to choke out. He’s still in shock at the sight of him. There’s something - not right about him. There’s a few more grey hairs than Fenris remembers him having, the bags under his eyes almost bruise-like in shade. He looks worn out, broken. The only normal thing is the smile that’s still stuck into place. 

“Music to my ears,” Hawke says. “I’ve missed hearing you say my name like that.”

“I don’t understand,” Fenris shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. Hawke walks over, pulling him through to the library. They sit where they used to sit when Hawke would teach Fenris to read and write, and Fenris feels his heart ache. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’m not doing anything!” Hawke says, “I just wanted to see you, that’s all. Took me bloody ages, too - you do realise you are impossible to connect to in the fade, right? I’ve been trying to reach you for - actually, I have no idea. Time doesn’t really exist here, I don’t think.”

“Wait,” Fenris says, eyes widening. “So this is - you’re real?”

“Real as can be. Why, you been dreaming about me a lot lately?” He winks. As Fenris’ expression hardens, his smile drops. “Not good things, then.”

“No,” Fenris says. “I only ever dream about you dying, Hawke. And me not being there to save you.”

“Well,” Hawke breathes. “The good news is that, I’m not dead.” 

“How do I know?” Fenris asks.

“Huh?”

“How do I know that this is real? That you are real and alive? I need proof.”

“Oh come on - what am I saying, I should’ve expected this. Alright, uhh… How can I prove it?”

“Tell me something about you that I don’t know,” Fenris replies, folding his arms.

“Okay,” Hawke says, jumping out of his seat. He surveys the room, before wandering over to the bookshelf. He pulls out a particularly large book with a plain cover, walking back over and placing it in front of Fenris. “Open it,” he shrugs.

Fenris slowly opens the cover. There’s an empty page. He turns the page, and another, before finding a huge square hole in the pages, wrapped up pieces of paper hidden within. He looks at Hawke with a raised eyebrow. 

Hawke takes a breath. “So, when I met you -“ He pulls out one of the folded up pieces of paper. “-I started writing you letters. And, poems. They aren’t very good. But I started writing them, and then I learnt you couldn't read. So, I kept writing them for when you could read. When I started teaching you, I almost kept giving them to you as practice work - but I was too scared. They were all so romantic and we were - rocky. I didn’t want you to think I was trying to push you or anything. I wrote more, a lot more, after we broke up, but they were - too much to bare. So some of them got chucked into the fire. But these ones - I remembered them just after the battle, but obviously my house was destroyed by that point. They’d already been burnt to a crisp.”

Fenris’ hands begin to shake as he tugs the small scraps of paper from the book, unfurling them. 

 

_You are the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met. I can’t wait to see you smile one day. I hope I’m the cause of it._

_Hey Fenris, just wanted to ask if you wanted to go for drinks, or maybe a walk around Lowtown, or a swim in a lagoon… I don’t know any nearby lagoons, but we can probably find one. I wish I knew what people actually wrote in love letters._

_Varric told me today that if I ever wanted writing advice, it’d cost me. Me! He profits off of my life every day, but I have to_ pay _him to help me find a rhyme for ‘Fenris’. He is a ridiculous man, and I love him. Sorry, this was meant to be about you, but I just talked about Varric again. Curse you, Varric!_

_To be honest, I never thought I’d fall in love. I’ve been with people before, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Back then, I felt like an oddball. But now, I’m grateful. I’m grateful my first love was you. I hope it’s the only love I ever know._

_I just saw you trip on Merrill’s staff and say, “Don’t you ever keep this place tidy?” and then frown when Merrill handed you a broom. I would do anything for you._

 

_There once was an elf named Fenris_

_Who everyone thought was a menace_

_Then he met a Hawke_

_Thought he was a dork_

_They ended up married on Mount Daverus_

_(honestly, I don’t think poetry is a strong suit of mine.)_

_If I ever meet Danarius, I’ll make him pay. I’ll kill every slaver that dares to even look your way. I won’t let them take you away. (Maybe I AM good at poetry?)_

_If you are only ever my friend, I will take it. I would rather we were alone together, then together alone._

_Your ass is really great. Sorry, this probably isn’t as romantic as the others, but… it’s true._

_You’re still wearing my favour. I don’t know why. I’m not sure if you feel guilty if you don’t wear it, or you’re doing it to make me happy, or if you’re just doing it for yourself. Whatever the reason, it still makes me smile._

_Anders told me that when you can read, I should write a load of gobbledegook to confuse you. I told him to stop being such an evil bastard, and then cleverly intertwined it into this letter anyway. Suck it, Anders!_

_Isabela and Varric have been writing their ‘friendfiction’ about us again. I told them to stop, but Isabela always slips a few pages into my pocket when I’m not looking. It’s actually pretty good in some places. They got your personality down pretty well. Mine, I’d disagree. They made me act like a nervous wreck whenever I was in your presence! Which is… Totally true. Just look at these letters, that’s all the proof there is, really._

_I love you so much._

Fenris reads every single one of them, ignoring the tears that are pooling in his eyes. As he tries to mouth the word ‘goobledegook’ in an attempt to understand it, Hawke snorts. When he reads the last one, he buries his face in his hands. 

“Fenris,” Hawke soothes, taking one of his hands. “Do you believe me now?”

In response, Fenris moves forward and kisses him, grabbing him by his shirt. The kisses are rough and passionate, but quickly dissolve into a smaller, sweeter kiss. Fenris breaks away with a sob, covering his face. “Hawke, I…” 

“Shhh,” Hawke says, putting his arms around his waist. Fenris breathes in, and he can smell him. Hawke’s scent. It’s almost as if he were there beside him, in the real world.

“Where are you?” Fenris whispers. “Tell me where you are, and I’ll come find you.”

Hawke smiles sadly. “I’m somewhere unfindable, I’m afraid.”

“Impossible. Tell me where you are.”

“I’m in the Fade. The physical Fade. No way in, no way out.” 

“You must have gotten in there somehow,” Fenris growls. “I’ll tear that Inquisitor’s heart out if they don’t get you out of there -“

“This isn’t her fault,” Hawke says. “I volunteered to stay so the others could escape. I made this decision.”

“And did you think for a second how I might feel about it?” Fenris asks icily.

“I didn’t think at all, to be honest. It wasn’t until I finished off The Nightmare that I realised what I’d gotten myself into.” 

“Please come back,” Fenris begs in a small voice.

“I can’t.”

“Hawke. You have to.”

“I wish I could. I would give everything in the world to be with you in real life right now. I tried, trust me. This is the best I can do.”

“No,” Fenris says, pushing him away. He gets to his feet, grabbing the book containing Hawke’s scribbles. “That’s not good enough. You did not write me all of these - and show me them _now_ \- just to abandon me. I won’t accept it.” 

“You must,” Hawke replies, softly. “I showed you them now, because I don’t think I’ll get another chance to.” He gets to his feet too, taking a deep breath. “I came to say goodbye, Fenris.”

The fire crackles and spits, the only sound in the room noticeable other than their own breathing. Fenris stares him down, but Hawke refuses to look away. “I won’t accept goodbye.” Fenris finally replies. “I’ll only accept ’see you soon’.” 

“Fenris,” Hawke pinches the bridge of his nose. “That’s not how this works -“

“Hawke,” Fenris states. He walks over and strokes his cheek, looking up at him. “If you love me, you’ll never say goodbye. Promise me.” 

A tear falls down Hawke’s cheek, his mouth twitching as it struggles to find shape. “I promise,” he whispers. Another tear falls. “I love you, Fenris. And I’ll see you soon.”

“I am yours, now and forever.” Fenris tells him. He swears he catches the corner of Hawke’s mouth as it twitches upwards. 

The mansion, the fireplace, the book of scribbles, Hawke - they all fall apart around Fenris as he’s pulled through the darkness, finally waking up in his bed. The room is cold, and empty. His cheeks are wet with tears, and he has never felt so alone. He wraps himself up in the sheets, and imagines that it’s Hawke’s arms around him. Hawke’s notes still in his memory, he reaches for nearby parchment and a quill. With a heavy heart, he begins to write his own notes to Hawke, in hopes that he will be able to give them to him one day.

 

_i cannot wait to see you._

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this as a quick drabble for my boi poppy (LittleAprilFlowers) so i figured i'd post it here too
> 
> fenhawke will literally be the death of me 
> 
> tumblr: bleakzeke.tumblr.com


End file.
